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Esmerelda wishes Sir Bob had squeezed her bottom...

Blog post   •   Oct 12, 2013 18:12 BST

Hello Peasants.

I felt compelled to blog today as it’s been a very exciting 24 hours.  Three words.  Sir Bob
Geldof.  Now, Bob and I have been acquainted ever since we met in the 80’s at some charity bash (I was only there for the free gin) and we got chatting. 

Turns out what I said to him that day really struck a chord, so to speak.  I remember it was the beginning of the week and it’d been a heavy weekend of celebrity excess with Bono, Simon Le Bon and Sting and I said to Bob – “I don’t like Mondays.”  He completely agreed and I became his muse for some years to come.  I collaborated with him on the Band Aid gig, but as I’m not one for the
limelight I gave all the credit to some bloke called Midge ‘cos I felt a bit sorry for him. You can see me in the back-ground in some of the promotional pictures of the time. (Back row, next to Bob, behind George Michael).

It’s been some years since Bob and I have collaborated, so after our reunion my people released a statement for the press:

From Esmerelda’s press office:

Today a national treasure, famous for wild hair and a foul mouth met Bob Geldof.  Esmerelda, Tulleys Farm Shocktober Fest’s hag in residence met with her hero and was strangely lost for words.

“It was wonderful to see Sir Bob, and I think the feeling was mutual.  We’ve got so much in common.  He doesn’t like Mondays and neither do I.  I don’t generally like the rest of the week either, but it’s a connection.“

Esmerelda has now retired to her trailer to have a lie down and listen to the greatest hits.  There is no truth to the rumour that security had to forcibly remove her from the bands dressing room. Sir Bob, was quite at home dealing with Esmerelda as he had previously dealt with another famous hag over VAT issues in the 80’s.

He’s off on tour now, so I gave him a bit of advice on his new song and we said our goodbyes and promised to meet for a drink soon.  No sooner had I got over the excitement of the Bob and The Boomtown Rats that some other musician types turned up.

Lil Chris (who’s taller than I imagined), Giles Potter (who kept getting emotional) and Tom Mann (who tried it on with me at every opportunity).  It’s safe to say they screamed like girls for most of the time and the rest of it they were trying to chat girls up.  They weren’t very successful, and I ended up having to berate Tom for trying to touch my bottom.  Wouldn’t have been so bad if Bob had tried…

Then, yet another one arrived.  Chris Cox, a Producer from radio one, who is somewhat small and geek-like and looks like he could do with a good meal.  He’s a timid little soul and an easy target for any Creature. 

Apologies to Chris – he didn’t really stand a chance against my little pets, but if he will turn up
smelling a bit like pedigree chum, there’s very little I can do about it. 

Anyway, that’s my thoughts on yesterday’s antics.

Until the next time, peasants.

Esmerelda


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