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Cheaters Never Prosper (unless they lie)

Blog post   •   Feb 04, 2010 16:41 EST

Obviously, common sense dictates that you shouldn't be in a committed relationship if you don't want to commit, duh! But we all know that that doesn't stop people from committing relationship infidelity (yeah Brangelina, we're talking to you). If you can't keep it in your pants (around someone other than your significant other), here's our "best of cheaters" guide for all you sorry commitment phobes out there. (Or if you're looking to meet people to rebound with or, I guess, to cheat on your partner with, check out the peeps on WooMe's webcam chat site.)

The "I'm sorry I didn't mean it" cheater.

(photo by capture-photography) You probably shouldn't tell on yourself, if you indeed really didn't mean it. Of course, if you really didn't mean it it's a little confusing as to why you did it in the first place. I mean really, it's like taking a dump in someone's backyard and then regretting it later because your neighbor comes over, pounds on your door and demands you pick it up. Don't waste your breathe spilling the beans, just don't do it again. (Unless of course you may have contracted an STD which in that case you should go get tested).

The "I'll never be faithful, it's just not in me" cheater.

(photo by senigmaticx) Hmm. And why are you in a relationship again?

The "I'm just too dark and emotional to be in a lasting relationship" cheater.

(photo by deadlynyappyromance) Get some help, please. No one wants to have to save you from your suicide or put band aids on your cutting "boo boos".  Get therapy, start excercising to boost those endorphins or watch a few episodes of the office to lighten your mood. Please.

The "I was drunk, oops, it was an accident" cheater.

(photo by roguengel) If this was truly a one time lapse in judgement (which we're all prone too every now and again) then keep it to yourself, no need to worry your mate over it. If you blacked out then make sure you get tested! If you find this happening a lot, perhaps you should consider laying off the booze for a little while to clean up your act.

The "She was too hot to pass up" cheater.

(photo by kohvitass) So you're saying you're in a relationship because you couldn't find anyone better to settle down with? Shame on you. You should cut ties and sow  your wild oats before settingling down with plain jane, she deserves someone who loves her for her cooking, or her character, or her knitting skills.

The "I just don't give a flying f*ck about you" cheater.

(photo by nikki-narcissist) There's not much to say to this kind of cheater so we'll address the cheated for this one:  If you're dating this brand of cheater, RUN. You're just barking up the wrong tree here, trying to turn water into wine, and we all know there was only one dude who could do that and his name was Jesus.