Blog post -
Lighting up the blind spots: An alternative to the dominion of fear
The other guest was Rodrigo Lima, the vocalist of the veteran HC punk band Dead Fish, who cooked a vegan feijoada and introduced a bit the band’s new album, entitled –indeed- Ponto Cego (‘Blind Spot,’ if you haven’t yet listened to it, just do: great music and great lyrics, see this link). It does not happen often to hear people speaking so much sense. The three people in the kitchen put forward on a wide range of topics dealing with social, political, environmental, and economic issues, at ‘micro’ as well as a ‘macro’ level (in a playful, cheerful atmosphere). The strength of the expression ‘blind spot’ (quite brilliant the idea to insert this phrase in the lyrics of each and every song on the album, while none features it in its title) was for me a source of food for thought over the last few months. Shortly after, more food for thought was provided by Gordo’s interview with the rapper Eduardo Taddeo (ex Facção Central), who made very relevant points, in particular with reference to class war which, no, is not the one carried out by the oppressed against the oppressor but rather the other way round: the fierce, merciless one carried out daily by the rich, the middle class and even the ‘working class’ (in a broad sense) against the poorest, the weakest, the most desperate (see this link). And all this speaking of a Brazil which doesn’t conform to the carnivalesque stereotype of the country brought me back to 1997 and the first time I listened the recorded tape (!!!) of the Sepultura album ‘Roots.’ This verbose column can, therefore, be seen as the culmination of a ‘Euro-Brazilian’ circle which spans over 23 out of 36 years of my life, and in a sense represented an opportunity to also reflect on experiences and lessons learned (I hope!) in this period.
- 1.BLINDED BY FEAR
Fear is big business. Ask any content writer, copywriter, or anybody who makes money out of marketing what buttons they aim to push in the audience when they write commercials. They will mention the following two elements: their ‘quest for pleasure’ and ‘fear of pain.’ These are the keys that drive most of our purchases. Both are important, but the hierarchy is clear: whenever the two conflict, it is always fear that prevails. I think selfishness, indifference, egotism, etc. are all side-effects. Western societies are dominated by fear. The fear of failure, the fear of being inadequate, the fear of rejection. Fear moves a lot of money. Just have a look at how many commercials you can find out there which may be paraphrased as ‘Dude, you’re not up to the task. If you give us plenty of $$$, we’ll sort it out for you.’ Before writing this column, I tried several seminars, for instance, and I can tell you that while some are insightful, most of these are just smoke and mirrors. However, they are successful because they play on fear. The same point holds for politicians: we have now seen referenda and elections won by spreading fear on social media. Brexit, Trump, Salvini, Bolsonaro won mostly by lying and scaremongering on Twitter (profiting of course from the ‘don’t think, just share’ pack mentality typical of too many social media users). Therefore, at the root of my column is the idea that fear underpins many (though possibly not all) blind spots of our society.
My reflections below will embrace both the individual and the collective level, which tend to broadly reflect each other. All of us have a ‘me’ and a ‘one of us’ dimension, which partly overlap and partly diverge. If we wanted to oversimplify, we may say that the former is our true self, the one which is only privately available to us. The latter instead is our public self, the one who adheres to some ‘codes’ (of behavior, of dressing, etc.) in order to be part of some kind of ‘us,’ a group of people. Everybody is part of multiple groups of people, each of which normally has its own codes. This is very important because the blind spots I will address below have to do with all levels: the ‘me’ level, which is the strictly individual one, the ‘us’ level, i.e. the collective one, and the ‘one of us’ level, which sort of mediates between the two. Before we go on, there is a very important caveat to make explicit. Should I sometimes sound too judgmental, please don’t take it this way: I am not here to condemn anybody; indeed, I could identify these blind spots only because they have been part of myself for a very long time (probably I still have to get rid of them completely).
- 2.ARE YOU A REAL MAN? I’M NOT
If I had a euro for every time I heard the phrase ‘real man,’ - in so many different contexts with so many different meanings - I wouldn’t need to work anymore – and I am only 36. I will use two labels to describe two different but strictly related utterly idiotic convictions: ‘machismo,’ to refer to the idea that men must dominate women; ‘realmanism,’ to define the characteristics ‘a real man’ must have, because being a male human being is obviously not enough. Indeed, since we were little children, we received very clear messages about what ‘men’ (and ‘women,’ of course) should do, didn’t we? All those tin-soldiers-pee-standing-Rambo-Terminator-movies bollocks, do you remember? Luckily enough, when I was a kid, referring to women as the ‘weak sex’ was already quite old-fashioned; yet, it was quite common for a boy to be called a femminuccia (‘sissie’) if you just were a bit reluctant to heavy physical contact, like shoving and other manifestations of male… well, I would call it ‘idiocy’, but let’s just name it exuberance (not just by peers: their parents would call you that, too). It would be even worse in the teenage years when a lethal mixture of insecurity and hormones would make the attention-seeking wannabe alpha-males flock together looking for potential victims. Not claiming bullying does not exist among girls, but it is a very macho thing. Of course, it is well-entrenched in the society as a whole, not just men. Counter-intuitive? Probably, but spot-on, I guess. Just a few days ago, Brazilian television broadcasted a beauty contest for 10-year-old girls (10!), who were judged based on their faces (!), their legs (!!!!!), and the shape of their overall body (!!!!!!!!!!). Well, some of the judges were women who couldn’t find anything wrong with such a ‘show’ (if this isn’t an overt apology for both sexism and pedophilia at once, I don’t know what it is) – or, more probably – they were just bought off.
Our society is all based on oppression at several levels, and we are so immersed in it that we’re addicted, anesthetized. We’re often past noticing it (of course, the average reader of IYE is likely to be more sensitive to social issues than the average ‘person on the street’). The oppression of women is alive and kicking, it is everywhere, and I don’t think you need to be a radical feminist to see so (what does “radical” mean, in this context, by the way?). It would be natural to think that this situation has been to the advantage of men and, to a substantial extent, in practical contexts, it is. Yet if you look at the bigger picture, we are all losers in this situation. Machismo and ‘realmanism’ are key players in creating the –fundamentally unhappy- world we live in. Machismo kills. It kills women. The combination of machismo and realmanism also kills men and destroys the world. What should a real man do? If I am allowed to use a caricaturish style (sorry, I just love hyperboles): you need to be the bread-winner, no question about it – better if it is a handy job – you’re not afraid of getting your hands dirty, are you, hun? Well, according to the traditional narrative, standing while you pee is a must - which is the best way to stain the toilet for no reason whatsoever (I quit this habit ages ago because I’m evidently not a real man)- a real man will get a woman to clean the toilet for him, so why care?. Possibly, you should never ask for anything, know everything by intuition and not care too much if your gut feeling was actually correct or not. It goes without saying that you cannot display any sign of weakness and – God forbid! - you should never cry. You should definitely drink alcohol but possibly remain sober as longs as you can (I just turned a teetotaler recently – not because I think drinking a pint of beer or a glass of wine or even occasionally getting drunk is inherently evil, but I’m rejecting the whole thing I’m speaking about here – I can afford not caring; after all, I’m not a real man), and it goes without saying, you should eat tons of beef and steaks - I remember a sticker saying ‘Boston! Where men are men and meat is red’ (I’m vegan but I’m not a real man so no problem for me). It would be preferable if you were a womanizer or at least a wannabe so – you don’t need to be a successful flirter, just engage in some loutish bar jokes about the next female passerby’s bottom and you’ll be safe. Obviously, I’m not talking about the normal, even healthy chatting about nice girls – women also speak about men and so do gay people, nothing wrong with it. I’m speaking about the kind of gutter jokes you’ll hear far too often and not only in the worst slum bars: typically a comment over a total stranger’s body part, accompanied by a face gesture (and, in the worst-case scenario, some oral noise). And –obviously – don’t even instigate the doubt that you might be gay – Rather a leprosy than gay, dude! Now, let’s quit the jokes - talking blooming seriously, all this trash physically disturbs me.
Now, you may think this is a pile of crap, or at least that I’m vastly exaggerating things. I understand you, but while I am using a hyperbolic style, the contents are about something real which permeates our lives and poisons our world every day. I guess everybody notices the frequency with which a woman is murdered in the whole bloody world, let’s not even start speaking about sexual or domestic violence – be it physical or psychological abuse. And it goes deeper than this. I’ve come to the point that I physically reject words like ‘slut,’ ‘bitch,’ ‘whore,’ and all the likes, even when it is a football chant to insult the opponent fans, even when it is used mindlessly as swearwords, even when it is used by women. It is not just a word family and it is not just about gender oppression. It is one of the symbols which encapsulate the kaleidoscope of oppression we live in –the rich over the poor, the healthy over the sick, the able-bodied over the disabled, and so on all the way to reach humans over animals (more on this stuff in the following sections).
I have a quiz question for you: what does this have to do with fear? Try to give your own answer before reading on. Well, my answer is twofold. ‘Realmanism’ is related to the general atavic mechanism whereby you adopt a certain behavior out of fear of not being accepted. Feel free to call it ‘pack mentality,’ in a sense –although a bit improperly- ‘bandwagon effect’ may also work. It works the same as bullying does. Actually, it is a kind of bullying. Oh, incidentally, have you noticed the increase in male suicides in the last few years? Nothing to do with this? Of course not, mon cher… ‘Machismo’ instead is related to fear because –take my word for this, I’m a man (albeit not a real one)- it is not fueled by the belief that women are inferior to men, but by the awareness that this has never been the case and the total incapacity to accept it, leading to neglect in too many real men. Believe it or not, the idea of having an open exchange with a woman scares the hell out of a machista man.
A different but related issue now: I said above that machismo and realmanism affect society as a whole, not just men. Indeed, and what’s the topic people (especially, but not exclusively, men) are more scared of opening themselves about –sincerely, not bragging about things which only happened in their wildest (maybe socially imposed?) dreams? Of course, sexuality! And there we go! This is maybe the one topic very few people feel like speaking about openly. Of course, I’m not saying that people should tell their own business to the bus driver or the barista around the corner, I’m speaking about communication within the couple. Do you speak openly about sexuality with your partner? Your needs, your sensations, your desires, your preferences, and so on? If, honestly, your answer is, ‘yes,’ that’s great, hats off to you. But I’m afraid you’re part of a tiny minority. Dr. Emily Nagosky wrote an amazing book on this topic (Come As You Are, link to the synopsis:) it is mind-blowingly good and surely raises many relevant points. My point here is simple: Western society treats this topic as something to show off on TV commercials or social media, but people hide it in shame privately. It is high time to recognize that it is just a matter of health and wellbeing which affects our happiness. It really does not make any sense to ignore this: our bodies are just as beautiful and important as our minds and our souls, and they together form a harmonious whole. Why should we neglect our body’s sexual needs? We don’t feel shame about feeling hungry or thirsty, do we (unless we’re affected by eating disorders, but this is an entirely different issue which would need a column of its own)? Why should we not feel ok about communicating our sexual needs to our partner? Lack of transparency about sexuality (among other things) has destroyed so many couples, just like lack of communication, in general, destroys relationships at all levels. For the sake of us all, let’s ditch our fears, and start opening ourselves to the other, shall we?
- 3.EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY WILL TEAR US APART (NOT LOVE)
I deeply apologize to Ian Curtis’s fans, really, but somebody should finally find the courage to say that, although the Joy Division song is a masterpiece, the message is utterly wrong. Love won’t tear you apart; if it does, it’s never been love, as simple as it is. This is not love; rather, it is a very pernicious thing that has the potential to devastate lives: it is an addiction. There are addictions to people just as there are addictions to things, substances, whatever. You may be addicted to drugs, to alcohol, to smoking, to television, to your smartphone, to exercising… or your girlfriend/boyfriend. This is not love, dude, and deep inside yourself you know it: we tend to give strong romantic twists to the addiction to people, but the truth is that this is not love, it’s two lives chained to each other because after all sometimes things look ok and it’s cold outside (and, let’s not be afraid to say it, sex with these partners tends to be heavenly good, but this is because we think it diminishes our chances to lose the person)… I passed through this in 2012, and I guess everybody at some point in their lives has. Now, honestly, quitting that story was just as healthy a decision as quitting smoking (which I did in the same year, by the way). Of course, I still perfectly remember how attached to her I was, and I also remember why, I was so attracted to that woman in the first place. I still have some (well, very few, honestly) good memories, and I feel no grudge toward her, but it was crystal clear that that story was killing me and it was not good for her, either. We were constantly hurting each other. Inadvertently, of course, but we were doing it. And when I found the strength to put an end to that relationship, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, as suffered as it was. I passed through hell for several months but even in those moments, it was clear to me that I had made the right decision. Sometimes resisting the temptation to call her was not easy but it was evident that it would only mean starting the madness all over again. And, clearer than ever, that was not love. It was something quite opposite to that. It was a history of two fundamentally incompatible people sticking to each other and, in so doing, destroying themselves.
Again, what’s the mechanism underpinning our choice to stay in such an unhealthy routine? Of course, again, it’s fear. Fear, insecurity, low self-esteem. I clearly remember that I was afraid I would have never found somebody else who would be attracted to me in the same way. Somebody in those days actually told me, “You may find her, tomorrow, how do you know?” I wouldn’t believe this, I think, so trapped was I in a negative spiral of fear and anxiety, dominated by an unbelievable lack of self-awareness (see below). I can see this clearly now, that seven years passed by and many experiences, many encounters have helped me overturn my attitude and become a far more optimistic, positive person (of course, you probably can’t tell by these lines, but if you have the patience to get to the last section, I think you’ll get a taste of this). Let’s go back to self-awareness. Do you really know who you are? Do you really know what you can do? It’s not a lazy question, knowing yourself is the result of a process, it doesn’t come automatically, and it is a practice in the Western world we’re not used to. I digress, but the point to drive home is: a romance which leaves you unhappy is not love. Yes, I know it: literature, theatre, music, cinema… they all abound in masterpieces dealing with this kind of ‘destructive love.’ Well, breaking news: love does not result in destruction, emotional dependency does. It is just a myth that in love suffering overwhelms joy. Think about it: we all have a couple of friends who at some point met because they shared the same values and the same worldview. They liked each other, started dating, became serious, got married, had children and after plenty of years, they still love and respect each other, do things together and really share their lives. THIS is love. If a relationship does not illuminate your day with joy every day, then it is not love (which does not mean there aren’t occasionally misunderstandings and problems, of course, we’re human beings, after all, but these are normally solved by… communicating!). If you do not feel free to express yourself because you’re afraid of how it could be interpreted, that’s not love. If you’re dominated by the fear of losing the other person, that’s not love. Face it: in the long run, it can only do harm to your life. You’re obviously free to make the decision you prefer, of course, but as long as you are into such a relationship, you are miles away from knowing love. And despite your embarrassing attempts to mask the whole thing as ‘a pure love which stands everything,’ the reality remains that you’re addicted to a person, as you could be to heroin. Sorry for brutality dude, but it’s not love, it’s crap. And, again, it is fueled by fear. You’re blinded by fear. It’s just another example of us being blinded by fear.
- 4.SLAUGHTER THE WEAK
Manchester Piccadilly railway station, a cloudy morning in the Summer of 2018. I have an appointment with a notary in the city center, 15 minutes from here. I get out of the station and cross the street. There’s a man sleeping rough on the sidewalk, next to a coffee shop (Costa? Starbucks? I don’t remember). He’s white, British, looks around 45 but he’s probably younger. 5 minutes later, I’ve already counted three. By the time I get to the square where the notary has his office, I’ve counted 16. If I weren’t used to the North West of England (i.e., not London Camden and definitely not the pile of crap about the ‘cool Britannia’ we’ve been fed over the decades), I would be astonished. I still am, but I know things are in northern England. It’s similar in Liverpool, it’s the same in Lancaster, where I’ve lived for almost six years. It’s worse in Morecambe, it’s even worse in Blackpool, where the Trainspotting generation has been butchered far more than in the rest of the UK. There are good pockets of solidarity, but I have to tell you, in England as in Italy as everywhere else, there is a pernicious narrative taking the world by storm: “poverty is their choice.” And here we come to a cancer which has always devoured our society: aporaphobia. Yes, the crap we are used to knowing under several labels can be summarized in one word, which denotes the contempt toward the weakest, the poorest, the most desperate people. It’s not just about money but we can start from there.
For instance, it is dead obvious that racism is alive and kicking all over the Western world, but what is it really? Does it make sense to call it ‘racism’? Am I the only one who has the impression that a ‘nigger’ is such only as long as s/he is poor? I mean, it is all too easy to insult the guy who begs for money in the busiest street of a city center, but have you ever heard anybody spouting abuse at, for instance, Colin Powell? Ok, this is so obvious… but we don’t need to shoot so high: you will find your average racist (or closet racist) taking a selfie with the Caribbean barista in a bar on the promenade, who may be kind of brown-ish, but she’s so hot and if you act the nice guy, maybe one day… (spoiler, dude: she bears with your crap because she’s used to considering it as a part of her job –and this is already wrong as hell-, but she’d rather slit her wrists and bleed out than having anything with you… and rightly so, let me add). The point here is that racism does not hit everybody in the same way, and those who are hit the hardest are always those who can’t defend themselves. People like Salvini prosper by daily feeding people with nonsensical tweets linking immigration and criminality rates… but of course, it’s always about desperate people getting here by the most unlikely means… are Sheiks ever insulted because of their religion or skin complexion? No, they’re rich and powerful. There’s a code of cowardice involved here: show no mercy, but only toward those who are weaker than you. Be strong with the weak and slavish with the powerful. It’s not so much a matter of racism or xenophobia, aporophobia is the key. Quite a few English people I met when I lived in Lancaster were quite puzzled about anti-immigrant Italians: Italians have been immigrants all along. Of course, but come on, somebody will always find a way to tell you that we were “better immigrants.” If you point out that the most violent organized criminal groups in the US at the beginning of the 20th century were Italians, a demented exchange of accusations between northern and southern Italians will start. Sometimes, you just can’t win, there’s always a narrative to justify this rubbish. But the point is: it’s not really about being migrant, it’s about being weak.
As I said, it is not necessarily a matter of money and power, sometimes it is just about ability. Oh yes, you’ll often hear banal and frankly speaking, utterly meaningless sentences like, ‘you judge a society by the way X are treated.’ Well, you’ll notice that ‘X’ never equates with ‘disabled’ because otherwise, we should admit to ourselves how utterly shameful we are (and even drop the myth that ‘all minorities are discriminated equally’ – sorry if I sound divisive, but they are just not – and somebody sooner or later should point it out). You may think the situation is not so bad, well I beg you – think again. If you live in Europe, next time you have a stroll around your hometown, tell me: how many staircases are there for no reason whatsoever? How often they could easily be replaced by a slide? How often the doors are just not wide enough for a wheelchair to get in? It’s depressing how for many public spaces it is more important to provide access to dogs than to disabled people (it being understood that it is important to guarantee access to dogs, especially guide dogs). How many bars you know are accessible to disabled people? What about their toilets? Do you think it’s ok that somebody should enjoy fewer rights than somebody else just because they live in a different condition? Where’s the outrage? A deafening silence would be the most likely answer, but we don’t even get there, because nobody bothers to even ask the question. This is particularly interesting, given that all of us may find ourselves having a disability. Oh yes, our bodies are wonderful but extremely fragile. I’ve been fully able-bodied until today, but there is no guarantee about tomorrow… sometimes a second is enough to change your life completely – we may reap the fruits of our indifference at any time. Of course, we’re so used to this mindset that it may be natural to think that it has nothing to do with us. I’ll provide you with a simple practical example, a question for all drivers out there: how many of you have never parked their cars on a sidewalk, honestly? How often have you asked yourselves if you were causing trouble for wheelchair users? It’s important to have a take look at ourselves. It is of course maximally important to stand up to racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, etc. but oppression manifests itself in many forms. It is often said that indifference amounts to choosing the side of the oppressor. Well, in the case at hand, very few of us (if anybody) can honestly plead ‘not guilty.’ A chain is just as strong as its weakest link: people with a disability have always been the weakest link – not because of their physical (or mental, there are many different kinds of disabilities) condition but because of our astounding indifference, i.e. because we just don’t bother to move a finger to make their lives easier and better. Contrary to a widespread belief, disabled people are not necessarily unhappy, many of them actually love their lives much more than many of us do – the biggest monster they have to face is not their physical or mental condition, but the limitations we, as the ruling majority, impose on them. Until all links are equally strong, the foundations of our society will be doomed to shakiness. How about stopping shrugging our shoulders, and start practicing what we often preach?
- 5.FEEDING ON DESTRUCTION
In the beginning, I did not want to preach veganism in this section, but I’m afraid I miserably failed. I swear I did my absolute best to avoid preaching. Just skip to the next section, if you prefer to ‘play it safe. I first heard about the existence of veganism more or less at the same time I was beginning to explore noisy music and unconventional political views: it was 1998 and I was 14, far earlier than it became widespread, almost fashionable. I was immediately sympathetic to the idea of giving up feeding on the (direct) exploitation of other human beings. Of course, I was little more than a child and there was absolutely no question that this could become reality anywhere soon. Actually, it didn’t until quite recently, but it had long been sleeping inside me, occasionally awakening (I think in 2016, after moving to England for the second time, I spent the whole year without eating any meat). It was only recently that I finally said, ‘ok, I’ll stop being lazy and I’ll stop making excuses. I’m out and out forever.’ I will not preach anything here, I will just put forward a few arguments I find relevant. Normally, when you ask some vegan people about the reasons underpinning their choice, they mention three factors: ethics, health, and the environment. While I think all of these are valid, I also suspect the situation is rather more complex than is often portrayed (both by proponents and detractors of a meat-free life-style), as is the case in most debates. I will here focus on the reasons which motivated me to quit eating meat, and then progressively eliminate other derivates. It is a mixture of ethics and consistency.
I am conscious that human beings have been feeding on dead animals all along, of course. Meat has supported humanity for a very long time. Yet, I wonder what relevance this argument may have today. We’re not in the stone age, nor are we in the Middle Ages. We have alternatives, we can live off veggies and honestly, it has long disturbed me that I should feed on the death of other cognitive beings when these alternatives do exist. Indeed, there is a relatively easy counterargument to the fact that we’ve always been feeding on meat: once upon a time, everybody used to kill animals and eat them. Now, except for those who exert the profession, how many of us would be able to? Could you kill an animal with your own hands (except for mosquitoes and other parasites, although I recently do everything I can to let them out rather than killing them)? I know for sure that I could never kill a chicken, a rabbit, a pig, or any other living being with my own hands. I mean, it’s easy to pick a slice of ham and eat it: you don’t see pigs bleeding, don’t hear them screaming in terror. I’ve always been disturbed by my own lack of consistency in eating meat while supposedly loving animals. Of course, in wartime, the situation would be different but dude, emergency situations require emergency solutions: what’s the point in adopting an emergency solution when there is no emergency? And honestly, I’ve always been disgusted by the monumental hypocrisy of all those who get all fired up at some Eastern cultures where dogs are eaten while at the same time, they happily eat lamb at Easter time. Of course, dogs and cats are our friends, they are, but this is a cultural fact. There is no inherent reason why we should say that eating lambs is fine but eating dogs is cruel and barbaric. The solution is just there for us: why not give veggies a chance?
Now, some interesting counterarguments were proposed recently, according to which growing vegetables is worse than farming for the environment, in terms of gas emission and pollution in general. There may be a point in this but I’m quite skeptical (I’m not sure because I’m not an environmental scientist but the enthusiasm with which it has been welcomed by omnivores makes me even more skeptical – a long-awaited alibi?). There is another argument, apparently stronger: if in order to satisfy requests for soya and so on in Europe and North America, big companies destroy villages and local crops in South America, this is certainly not the change we want. Yet, there is a problem at the root of this claim. Most of the production of soya is not for human consumption: actually, it is used to make food for farm animals. And there we get to the paradox of squandering water and the proteins of soya to make food for animals we later kill to eat their meat for… proteins. On a different note, soya products are fantastic for proteins, but they are not everything in a vegan diet. We can largely feed on local crops: legumes, cereals, greens, fruit, and so on. Honestly, since I’ve given up meat I’ve felt better and better: I have much more energy and stamina and I feel mentally stronger and more relaxed, despite waking up at 5.30am every day (although I also go to bed quite early). You may think there is no causal correlation but believe me, I feel so much better and it was not just about eating habits. I freed myself from such a heavyweight (by the way, more and more sportspeople are quitting meat). Those of you who are familiar with some meditating techniques will hear the term “compassion” on a daily basis. For me, turning vegan was exactly this: an act of compassion toward the planet (and people before animals).
And there is also another aspect here, which takes us back to section 2: real men have to eat meat, and to me, this is one more reason to reject the whole thing. I don’t know why, but to some extent, the myth of the vegetarian as a viadinho (I think the Portuguese word works out best here, the English equivalent would be a ‘wussie’) persists. Well, actually Tex Willer wouldn’t be Tex Willer without his steaks – could a real man prefer beans or salads to meat? Come on, let’s be serious. A good fight, some nice shootings, tons of beef, and a river of beer. The Far West was not a place for sissies who are offended by animal cruelty or woman abuse (although, to be fair, some strong female characters would appear in the narrative, such as Satania). Was John Wayne portraying vegetarian characters? Not that I know. We may go on indefinitely: the stereotype of the hero is generally male, white, and eats meat and drink beer, unless he needs to hide his true identity and then he may prefer to pretend to a bit more viadinho (as in the case of Clark Kent or Don Diego de la Vega), but just pretend. Of course, the setting of these stories also requires this kind of hero, but this is beyond the point. In 2019, there are beliefs that persist. In a recent book, the journalist Marta Zaraska (those of you can understand Spanish may want to have a look: Enganchados a la Carne, link to the synopsis)makes a similar point: being a vegetarian is more difficult for a man than for a woman. In the antiquity, beef was considered too strong for women and something which could make them lose sexual inhibition (shock horrors, right?). And here we connect eating with the machismo/realmanism I mentioned above: it is more acceptable for a woman to be a vegetarian because women must be inherently weaker than man (and what is this lack of sexual inhibition, gals? As if your life were yours and you could do whatever you wished…). It is also more acceptable for homosexuals because they are excluded from the category ‘real man’ ex definition. In my opinion, what I have defined as blind spots of our society tend to be interconnected. You may disagree. Be that as it may, I for one reject the whole thing.
- 6.A WAY OUT? FOCUSING ON WHAT UNITES US
I believe there is a way out, of course, there is, and of course, it requires collective action. It is the responsibility of us all to get out of this situation. The key is always the same, communication. It may be objected, reasonably, that it may be a little bit problematic to communicate when there are so many divisions around that we all believe we are so different from the rest. I think a good starting point would be for us all to reverse the perspective. It is not so difficult, if you think about it. Just think, for instance, about a moment in your life, past or present, when you’ve gone through deep, deep suffering. It doesn’t matter why, it doesn’t matter what you did to cope with the situation, it doesn’t matter who helped you out: just focus on that moment, just focus on your suffering. Forget about the rest of your identity: just focus on that moment of intense pain. Ok, now that you’ve rid of all the other strata of your being and can simply connect with that feeling, think about another person. This may be a total stranger or even somebody you don’t like. Do the same thing as you’ve done for yourself: imagine that s/he is in a condition of intense suffering, don’t even think about a possible reason. Then, forget about who s/he is, what experience you’ve had with her/him, free this person from everything you know about them and focus on this feeling. You know what they are going through: you’ve been there yourself. Now, what have we got here? Two individuals of the same species, freed from any social labels, who are going through the same experience (in this case, I used the example of a painful one because I think the example would work best, but any other experience will be comparable). Isn’t it just natural to emphasize with her/him? Don’t you just think that, after all, at the deep core, we are not that different, once we forget all the factors which are more related to a concept of identity which is, of course, necessary but they are not instinctual, they come at a later stage of personal development? Wouldn’t it be easier to understand each other if, whenever we find ourselves in a conflict, we tried to remember that, however big our differences may be, at the deepest experiential level, we have something in common with our counterpart? Ok, this is just a basic thing, but I strongly believe this may be the starting point for something bigger. Of course, this is something that can spread widely in a short time, yet I guess that if you start doing this, you would soon see that your lives would improve.
This could be the basis for a change at a more. Indeed, there are several ways this could encourage interaction which will surely help us create our own eco-system, which mustn’t be parallel to the ‘outer’ world; on the contrary, it must function within it. The goal doesn’t have to be ‘changing the world,’ there is time for that and none of us will live long enough to see it. Rather, we can just aim to do something proactively to improve our lives and those of the people around us. Without big expectations, it is just a matter of planting some seeds. The plant will slowly grow; meanwhile, we’ll live better together. There are realities that are already doing great things in this direction, and the activities around IYE in Savona (such as One Love FC) are examples of this. The whole thing is, in my opinion, getting rid of the socially imposed fear of the world we were born in. It is a matter of opening a cage (breaking, if you wish, but I chose a less noisy metaphor on purpose), just by accepting ourselves and other people for the way we are, the way we all are. Of course, this does not mean accepting everything. Toxic ideologies and ideas will always be kept at bay: everything even remotely associated to fascism, racism, misogyny, xenophobia, homophobia, any kind of prevarication and discriminating bollocks will be off-limits. Apart from making clear there is no room for intolerance (the so-called paradox of tolerance, yep), there is no reason to refuse different points of view: it will be a chance to create spaces of interaction among people with different backgrounds and histories. IYE as a webzine is doing a lot in this direction, a lot more can be done, everybody should take part in a change, to avoid leaving a few people to do all the work on their own: in this way, on the one hand, we wouldn’t have a few people getting exhausted doing all the work for everybody; on the other hand, we would be able to achieve much more than we can actually do. And I think it would be cool to involve children in this. We need to pass on positive values to the new generations: television won’t, society at large won’t, school may do it, but it will depend on the good will of teachers. In order to avoid inner divisions, conflicts, and the emergence of factions, I deem it necessary to do the exercise on forgetting our superstructures and see the other as – in their deepest human core – basically mirrors of our own. As soon as we do this, we will be able to live a freer, more fulfilling, definitely better life. Are you skeptical? I understand you. If I were in your shoes, I would be. Actually, I used to be. What do you have to lose in trying, though? For me, it was a life-changing experience. And, as time passes by, I am more and more convinced that Chinua Achebe was right: “Suffering should be creative, should give birth to something good and lovely.” Shall we focus on what makes us similar, rather than on what makes us different, and start lighting up the blind spots. It’s time to build a positive alternative to the current, fear-fuelled, gray scenario, isn’t it? J
ABOUT ME
Born in Genoa, Italy in 1984 and grown up in Luca Calcagno (a.k.a. Il Santo)’s Distorsioni Record Store (Varazze –SV), I’ve always been a big fan of hardcore/crust punk and extreme metal; in particular, Sepultura had a strong influence on my personal development. However, in the last few years, I’ve opened my mind to many other music genres, including those which hit the charts (life’s too short for music rivalries). I’m vegan, practice mindfulness, now a 100% teetotaler, a supporter of Genoa 1893 and Deportivo La Coruña. Politically, I gravitate around the leftwing philosophies of Bertrand Russell and George Orwell, with some Anarchist sparks a la Paul Feyerabend (especially with regard to science and philosophy). Apart from music, my main interests include linguistics & modern languages (that’s also my job), history, writing, pencil drawing, tattoos, literature, cooking, nature, the cities of Genoa and A Coruña. I guess this is all. Amor e luz, namasté! J
Find me online:
https://obicodaneboa.travel.blog
