Crawley stroke survivor hit by emotional problems says support from the Stroke Association was a ‘life saver’

A Crawley stroke survivor has told how one of the hidden effects of stroke caused the mood swings which put a strain on his family relationships, without him realising it.

Les Oliver, from Pound Hill, admitted that he treated his wife, Jenny badly in the months after his stroke.

He’s sharing his story now to raise awareness on World Stroke Day, which is on Wednesday 29 October. He is also backing calls from the Stroke Association for more stroke survivors across the UK to receive the follow-up support which helped him.

Les, 72, had his stroke while he was playing a round at Copthorne Golf Club in February 2023.

“I didn’t even realise that I’d had a stroke,” said Les, a retired sales and marketing manager. I got in my car to drive home but it only took me 100 yards to realise that I had double vision.

“At home I called my optician and got an appointment for the next day. They couldn’t find anything wrong and so they recommended a trip to a neurologist.

“I got to see a neurologist in about a week. He referred me to Reigate A&E. They gave me a head scan and told me I’d had a stroke.”

Apart from his eyesight, the stroke left Les with little physical difficulty, but he didn’t realise that he was among one in five stroke survivors who have emotional problems due to brain damage caused by the stroke.

Difficulty in controlling mood and emotions, known as emotionalism, means that mood changes can happen very quickly, and stroke survivors may find that they sometimes have extreme emotional reactions triggered by seemingly minor situations.

“I can be ridiculously short tempered,” said Les. “One thing that used to set me off terribly is if I felt Jen corrected me in conversation. We’d have had some of the worst rows. Friends and family would say I was snappy.

“On a bad day I could wake up in the morning and something very minor could set me off. It made me feel bad, embarrassed, and angry. I feel that I treated Jen so badly. There were times when I felt I must apologise but I couldn’t.

“Sometimes I can watch something and overreact intensely. Silly things such as the scene in Bambi where the mother gets shot. Or the reunion scene between the family and their daughter in the film This Happy Breed, can reduce me to a blubbering mess.”

Les struggled on, until he received a follow up call from Mandy in the Stroke Association’s Crawley and Horsham Stroke Recovery Service offering him a review of his progress and ongoing needs six months after his stroke.

“The support from the Stroke Association is fantastic and has helped both Jen and I enormously,” said Les. “Mandy sent me a leaflet on emotional changes after a stroke. It was a life changer - in my case, maybe even a life saver.

“The leaflet plainly and simply outlines and explains the symptoms and reasons for emotionalism, what this can do to you and to those around you, and offers options as to what you can do to manage and hopefully overcome it.

“Jen has read it and so have our daughters. It has helped them to understand me and how I sometimes act.”

Mandy also introduced Les to the monthly meetings at Haskins Garden Centre, Snowhill, where stroke survivors meet socially and support each other.

“If Mandy hadn’t contacted me, I wouldn’t have gone to the Stroke Association meetings, and received the empathy and the informal counselling from people who are stroke survivors and carers.

“The meetings have been invaluable. They showed me that I wasn’t alone feeling this way – and that I’m part of a small community which supports each other. I know that we can call for help and, in some small ways, I might be able to help others. Talking openly about emotionalism has helped me tremendously.”

Nick O’Donohue, the Stroke Association’s associate director for the South East, said Les’s story showed exactly why six-month reviews are so important. But recent data showed that almost two-thirds of stroke survivors in the UK are missing out.

“Many stroke survivors need long-term robust support to recover and live well,” said Nick.

“The Stroke Association is concerned that too many people are missing out on this support from the point of diagnosis, including a vital six-month review to assess ongoing needs.

“Stroke must be prioritised by the Government and the NHS. Only then will stroke patients get the treatment they need, whenever they need it, so the increasing number of UK stroke survivors can live mentally and physically well.” 

For more information about stroke and the support services for survivors and carers in Sussex, visit www.stroke.org.uk or call the Stroke Support Helpline on 0303 3033 100.