Men, Vibrators and Women

Should men be worried if a vibrator is introduced into the bedroom? As more and more sexually liberated woman explore the use of sex toys in private, so too are more couples finding out how they enhance sex. No matter how good a relationship is though, it’s easy to think that a women who likes to use a vibrator as part of her own sex life, is likely to either scare off a partner or make them feel insecure.

But why is it that men might feel uncomfortable sharing their bed mate with their battery operated best friend: Can we really not handle the thought of using a vibrator on a woman? The common argument is generally centred on our male ego or our lack of understanding (nothing new there then!).

The most common concern for men is whether the woman will enjoy the vibrator more than they enjoy us. Will they become addicted to it or will it become the focus of sex, leaving us as the ride operator rather than the ride! We may be indispensable when it comes to putting up shelves (though I’ve never put a shelf up in my life) mowing the lawn or washing the car, but can we really compete with a machine whose raison d’etre is to give women a great time.

Well, the fact of the matter is, the vast majority of women would take a man over a vibrator every time. (Penelope:It’s a tough call though when it comes to my LUXURY VIBRATORS) Sex is only in part about the physical; the emotional connections are just important. Even the best vibrators in the world can’t cuddle, pillow talk or call in the morning. The off button is the electronic equivalent of rolling over going to sleep and leaving before you wake.

Using a vibrator as a couple should be seen as a way to enhance lovemaking, rather than a replacement.  Some women simply cannot orgasm without a little additional help and for men whose partners are in that position, the introduction of sex aids to satisfy their partner should never be seen to devalue their own sexual experience. Even for women who can orgasm without aids, nobody said a little added spice was a bad thing. Ask any man if he’d rather have his other half fake it or make it with a little help, and only the most selfish would choose the former.

This isn’t just opinion either. Studies published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine have shown that eighty-one per cent of women who use a vibrator have done so with their partner. When almost half of sexually active women now own and use a vibrator, this accounts for a whole lot of good vibes between the sexes.

It’s not the case that every bedroom session needs to include these additions. Variety is the spice of life after all! Simply, men need to stop worrying about whether using sex toys with partners detracts from their own experience and throw themselves into it.